THE 'SMH' XI
Jens Lehmann
Big Jens makes the list not for his horrible playfight with Drogba, not for stealing a Stuttgart fan's glasses after a game, but for taking a leak behind the goal during a Champions League tie in 2009. Rather than go before the game, the mentalist decided that he just couldn't wait until the dressing rooms to get out his German sausage and relieve himself. SMH.
José Enrique
My favourite left-back is another caught out by Twitter, revealing that he was injured and would therefore miss the game 3 hours before kick-off. Post-match, his manager Alan Pardew told waiting journalists what he thought about it. El Toro has since deleted his Twitter account. SMH.
Richard Dunne
The all-time top-scorer of own goals in the Premier League with a very respectable EIGHT. Jamie Carragher is breathing down his neck with seven though. Not to be out-done though, his defensive partner will be...
Frank Sinclair
Only two behind Dunne, big Frank netted six top-flight own goals in his time. However, he makes the list for the sheer quality of his, in particular a 30 yard belter against Middlesbrough. SMH.
Pascal Chimbonda
Or Pascal Shimboomba as David Pleat calls him, wears tights, snoods, gloves and probably women's underwear all year round. Not only this, but is also once quoted as saying, "I am definitely leaving Spurs. It's all about the money. I don't care about the final, I don't care about the cup." SMH.
Ryan Babel (c)
The inspiration behind this team, Ryan 'Rio' (that's his rap name) Babel makes it for his hilarious Howard Webb pic on Twitter, resulting in an FA charge. I reckon those FA stiffs need to get a sense of humour, and should be praising Ryan for his Photoshop skills. Unlucky Ryan. SMH.
Big Jens makes the list not for his horrible playfight with Drogba, not for stealing a Stuttgart fan's glasses after a game, but for taking a leak behind the goal during a Champions League tie in 2009. Rather than go before the game, the mentalist decided that he just couldn't wait until the dressing rooms to get out his German sausage and relieve himself. SMH.
José Enrique
My favourite left-back is another caught out by Twitter, revealing that he was injured and would therefore miss the game 3 hours before kick-off. Post-match, his manager Alan Pardew told waiting journalists what he thought about it. El Toro has since deleted his Twitter account. SMH.
Richard Dunne
The all-time top-scorer of own goals in the Premier League with a very respectable EIGHT. Jamie Carragher is breathing down his neck with seven though. Not to be out-done though, his defensive partner will be...
Frank Sinclair
Only two behind Dunne, big Frank netted six top-flight own goals in his time. However, he makes the list for the sheer quality of his, in particular a 30 yard belter against Middlesbrough. SMH.
Pascal Chimbonda
Or Pascal Shimboomba as David Pleat calls him, wears tights, snoods, gloves and probably women's underwear all year round. Not only this, but is also once quoted as saying, "I am definitely leaving Spurs. It's all about the money. I don't care about the final, I don't care about the cup." SMH.
Ryan Babel (c)
The inspiration behind this team, Ryan 'Rio' (that's his rap name) Babel makes it for his hilarious Howard Webb pic on Twitter, resulting in an FA charge. I reckon those FA stiffs need to get a sense of humour, and should be praising Ryan for his Photoshop skills. Unlucky Ryan. SMH.
Alex Song
Probably taking inspiration from his uncle Rigobert, Alex makes the team for his beard. I let him off with the hair (only just mind) but the beard makes him a definite. SMH. [Props to Rio Ferdinand for drawing everyone's attention to it!]
Robbie Savage
I love Sav. He brings a bit of comedy to dull radio shows and the internet, so hats off to him. But I'll never forget his MTV Cribs episode or his hideous leather jacket with his date of birth in Roman numerals studded onto the back in crystals. Have a word Robbie. SMH
Stephen Ireland
Where do we start? The alleged shark tank in his house? The horrific tattoo across his back? The infamous dead Grandma incident? All valid reasons, but the shocking pink rims on his Range Rover just about do it. SMH.
Martin Palermo
Everyone's favourite Championship Manager buy, Martin Palermo holds the unenviable record of missing THREE penalties in a game against Colombia in 1999. Still, it could have been worse - if he'd been Colombian, they'd have shot him by now. SMH.
Fernando Torres
He may be one of Europe's most feared strikers (sometimes), but we aren't quite sure what Nando was thinking when he got this haircut. I can't say anything else, the picture says it all. SMH.
Probably taking inspiration from his uncle Rigobert, Alex makes the team for his beard. I let him off with the hair (only just mind) but the beard makes him a definite. SMH. [Props to Rio Ferdinand for drawing everyone's attention to it!]
Robbie Savage
I love Sav. He brings a bit of comedy to dull radio shows and the internet, so hats off to him. But I'll never forget his MTV Cribs episode or his hideous leather jacket with his date of birth in Roman numerals studded onto the back in crystals. Have a word Robbie. SMH
Stephen Ireland
Where do we start? The alleged shark tank in his house? The horrific tattoo across his back? The infamous dead Grandma incident? All valid reasons, but the shocking pink rims on his Range Rover just about do it. SMH.
Martin Palermo
Everyone's favourite Championship Manager buy, Martin Palermo holds the unenviable record of missing THREE penalties in a game against Colombia in 1999. Still, it could have been worse - if he'd been Colombian, they'd have shot him by now. SMH.
Fernando Torres
He may be one of Europe's most feared strikers (sometimes), but we aren't quite sure what Nando was thinking when he got this haircut. I can't say anything else, the picture says it all. SMH.